I am enlightened 2003.11.18 Don't communicate to those pigs, it will make thing went worse, because they will to do everything opposite to what you ask him to do, so it seems him can revolt you, then he seems to as high as you, as two competitor should almost as high. My article is not deleted by icelotus, haha, by another boy(The bbs master), so, this is really a good news, icelotus should start to accept me now :) I was thought it is deleted by icelotus :) I love icelotus! :) I need to learn how to control those pigs, yes, i have get some experience now, that is, to show you are a pig too :) I will be more pig than them :) And, let he think you can help him to get those superficial happy, to do those non-sense thing, but you know, you will never help him at that way. Weak body produce weak thought, always trust this! Why, if his thought is strong, he will go to running, go to do fitness, then make his body strong. Don't trust those person with the weak body, his thought is as ugly as his body. Christian is pig too, because he is not thinking too! Some one think my experience is not very wide, as i always sit on the front of the computer 2 years ago when playing Linux, oh, My QQ have 500 friends, i have received thousands of emails, do you know how many people i acquainted now? My Linux skill is almost the highest in China in the students, my philosophy level is no doubt highest in China, don't mention those old man, when he is 20, he never know philosophy, he is not a philosopher, but only a philosophy teacher, those philosophy student study philosophy just because he is in the philosophy faculty, he lack the experience of life, so he can't understand philosophy, he can't love philosophy. Beating Christianity have no interesting, too weak! ========================= suergaz: Bogey Ray, you are Dionysian, what is mistrust to us?! We laugh at the gloomy! We seduce the sullen onlookers to smirk and then we slap their faces! What man of the day would not see our actions as suspicious, as manic, ...as idle! There are only ever cults of the beautiful. Religion doesn't become us. These my humblest words to you! Please to pour while I drip, have witches stolen my words? Do I not possess as much as I profess? Christianity is prostrate before us. We must put it out of its misery. ========================= I am completely Genius now. No limit. Amuse my girl :_) Philosopher never get lost :) ================================== 迷茫了。 2003.10.30 昨天上午还以为不会继续写哲学论文了,结果昨晚只睡了两个小时,今天上午又写了篇2万   字的论文. 你以为我在炫耀吗? 只睡两个小时并不是很爽的事. 其实,每个都知道,一个人突然开始 思考,开始研究哲学,一定是在生活中发生了很重大的事,因此想弄清楚到底是怎么弄的. 我生活中发生的那件事... 目前我的思想主要是反基督教,毕竟是继承Otto Weininger和Nietzsche的思想.我说的 天才教并不是搞笑,我已经开始传教了,至于其原因,主要是基督教建立的两千年来所有 的天才都过着悲惨的生活,都死得很惨.所有优秀的科学家,文学家,艺术家,哲学家都过 着悲惨的一生,名字我不用列举了,全都是这样.为什么是这样? 因此我们开始反对基督 教了. 不过我也开始迷茫了.我开始跟一个基督教徒交流,他读我的论文,我读他寄来的"Mere Christianity".另一方面,我哲学基础还不够,读吧,几十本的读下来吧. 我在干嘛? 自言自语吧. 也算是我现在的feeling吧. 希望大家能理解我一点,宽容我一点. ================================== 2003.10.31 Reading "Poison for the Heart". I am enlightened! This is the different between the me of 10 days ago and the me now. 10 days' thinking is enough for me to become be enlightened. Thanks Kevin Solway, Thanks these guys in genius forum, Thank you very much! Paragraph from "Poiston for the Heart": ============ The Jump We people live within a tall container. If you can jump half a metre, you are regarded as talented. If you can jump a little over half a metre, then you are a superman and a genius. But jump clear out of the container - and you are not seen! ============ The philosophy genius will never be seen in SCU bbs from now on :) You find you don't need to worry about the life in next two years, so you can do what ever you want to do in the next two years, you needn't worry about the life two years later, because, if you read many philosophy books in the next two years, after that, you will find you needn't worry about the next next two years too. Two years ago, i want to be a Linux kernel hacker for the whole life, i never know i will become a philosopher as today, if i prepared too much for the future life, after the change from Linux hacker to philosopher, all of the precious preparation for a Linux hacker become waste. i.e. i bought many thick computer books ago, and i thought i can buy it first, i am surely will read it one days, but now i become a philosopher, those old preparation is almost wasted now(although i have already read most of them). Now i will only go to find another book after finished the book which i am reading. Normal people do things prepare for futures everyday(collect money etc.), until he become old, he find all the past years only prepared for nowadays' miserable life. When you are alive, you needn't prepare for the life after death. Why i needn't worry about money for two years later? because in the next two years i needn't worry about money, i may get some money by some unknown way in the next two years. If it don't happen, i can go to earn some money then, i have the ability to earn money, as my computer skill is always within me. Paragraph from "Poiston for the Heart": ================== Simple and Complex We seem to think that the more complex a thing is, the more advanced it is. This conveniently puts humans at the pinnacle of creation. Yet is it not our experience that the simplest thing that does the job is best? The insects have been around much longer than we humans, and look like remaining long after we have self-destructed. Could humankind be a failed experiment in complex construction? Or is there some other purpose to life than mere survival? ================== Oh, i won't paste paragraph from this book anymore :) you can read it by yourself. I am reading philosophy books everyday, and study German at night, I change my Linux to Deutsche locale, so get a very good Deutsche environment :) It is very easy for me to study German, after my English is almost perfected(as have no problem in reading and writing), i think i will have no problem of read German books with the help of StarDict two months later :) Why i develop free software, because five years later, StarDict and ReciteWord will still be there and useful. Why i study German? I can read German books(Germany have the best philosophers) in my later long life. Why i study philosophy? It is useful in the whole of my life! You are doing many non-sense things! If these things have no effect to you five years later, don't do it! 2003.11.01 ============== Paul:     Quote:I was just enlightened yesterday. He is a darling, isn't he? 'Who?' 'Huzheng.' 'Oh?' 'Yes, him!' ============== "Poison for the Heart": ============== Circles At first we say "All is a mystery, God alone knows all." Later, with the fever of knowledge, our story is "All can be explained with Science." Later still, in the maturity of knowledge, we change our story to "Nothing is explainable: all is chaos." ============== Now i think about those weak older boys, their face looks morbid(seems more old than their age), why? It should because they masturbate too much and seldom do sports. I said that masturbate will help your thinking, it is, after thinking, i can control my desire, so control the frequency of masturbate, but, those boys must can't control their desire, then become morbid. Many boys is becoming morbid when he grown up and become a adult, hi, lets control our desire :) And, to control desire, need thinking :) 2003.11.02 =================== 发信人: huzheng (妖光), 信区: Philosophy 标  题: 十天思考笔记 发信站: BBS 水木清华站 (Sun Nov  2 16:01:33 2003), 转信                                                                                 这里是我从2003年10月19号到30号写的思考笔记. 通过十天的思考我已经确定了自己以后成为一个哲学家的道路. 前几天曾到这里贴过前面的几篇,但被封了而且文章全被删了.而我的文章发给国外的一个 哲学家后他却写了信给我. 因此我的感受是,当一个20岁的男孩开始思考的时候,他的情绪肯定是激动的,正确的对待方 法应该是让他自己继续思考下去,他自己会慢慢冷静并成熟下来的.因此我认为版主原来封 人的做法是对的,但删除文章的做法是错误的.我提出这点,只是希望国内的思想环境能慢慢 容纳下那些年轻的偏激的思想. =================== I bought a bunch of rose and want to give to her, but only get to leave it in the convey room, so hard! she is too cool... I have write down this interesting thing in a Chinese article. The next sentences was wrote after i give flowers to her failed for the first time, you see, my thinking is influence by emotion very much, but i like this, this give me the feel of a child, which i persues, who said thinking should without emotion? that must be wrong. =============== I don't exist to you, so many of you. Now i think about those animals in "Animal Farm", their miserable life is inevitable, and make them become intelligent is impossible, what i do in my life is for genius, no these animal. I am naive? I like this word, i know, the reason that my Linux skill is so good now is just i was very naive two years ago, i will keep my naive, as a child, you will see, the naive boy get to known German two months later, he will get to known French soon too, he will run, faster than anyone of you. I love Linuxer. =============== The action of the madam in the convey room corresponds to Weininger's theory very much, she is very glad to help me and talk to me. And, the action of icelotus is correspond to my theory too, although i feel very want to leave her and go study hard when failed for the first time, but after leave the flower in the convey room at last(give flower to her at last), i think about the whole thing, her action is still correspond to my theory exactly, i will believe my ideology more firmly(or even won't have any doubt), i must believe in my ideology, because not everyone have the change as me(get the ideology when he is still a boy, so have the change to practice it). I still believe the ideology which wrote down in the past 10 days, i will use several years to practice it, then extend and systematize it in the next years. i love icelotus, because i know we will have the happy life several years later, i know i will love the she of several years later indeed, so, i love the current her too. 2003.11.03 ungrateful There is a boy sit at the back of me, i helped him with my honesty heart in the last two years, he study Linux as me at first, and then go to use FreeBSD(so it is not Linux), and then find FreeBSD don't suit him(I know this at the very time), change to use Debian Linux(so it is not Redhat Linux as i am using), but now he use Windows XP more often, even he is using Linux, he is just use it to kill his time. I ask him to run together with me as first, we run and compete the speed at first, but later i change to run 10 rings every time, he retain 4 rings, and now i still often go to running, he never go now. If he don't meet me, he won't touch Linux, he is good at Linux(compare to other roommates) now, he know i helped him, but he won't show his thanks to me, but just opposite, when my articles is delete everywhere, and i paste them in the Linux board, it is him seems most angry to my action:"Linux board is not your own home", when i explain my ideology, he seems very angry to me, even seems want to use violence on me(although i am stronger than him now), but argument to him is totally useless, if you ask him to try to write down his opinion, you will find him have no opinion at all, he only have the "opinion" opposite to yours, when he knock on the door, after i open the door, he push the door violently, my hand is there, just make the door rebound as violently too, then i see him walk fast into the door, seems angrily, then comes other roommates, i asked:"who push the door violently", with smile. He never push the door violently again, or the door may rebound violently, and flap on his cool face. I don't talk to them for several days, he become withered soon, go to sit down with this roommate and laugh for a while, then go to another. He said him is a ordinary people now. Why he is ungrateful? I say him, don't means him as a person, but as a type of person, they have some weak root, but have the aspirant heart, so you can help him, make him become stronger as he has the aspirant heart, but because his weak root, he can't go as high and as fast as you, and he decide to be mediocre at last, then, he need to beat you to show his little strong, but it is you helped him to become strong, so you can defeat him easily, forgive his ungrateful, it is because his weak root, and you need to help him as him have the aspirant heart, you may can't help him much, but it will help his children. Girl write articles about her love affair is almost for dazzling for his cool boy :) To write down her emotion is just the veil, as Weininger described, woman have no love in fact. I know the fact, so i can love her more deep than you. I wrote two long love letter to her this morning :) 2003.11.04 "Poison for the Heart" reads over, start reading "Venom Crystals". I laugh loudly when there is no anyone in the room. I am reading the articles in the smth philosophy board. Yes, we need truth, we need perfection, so we are. So numerous people are doing non-sense things, so i am doing the most use-less things. When they come in, with their words, i feel filth. Philosophers, i will defeat you all, after absorb your thinking :) All is because boring. The whole life is just a joke. When you fall in it and unaware of it, you are happy, but you will escape from it one day...Ten days ago, i was child, but, now... My youth is losing, or have already lost. Anyway, my youth is not bad :) But, just and only this. ho, I know, best is just and only this :_) I understand her completely now :) interesting and funny ha-ha little girl :-) I can't hold to burst into laugh :) She is a happy girl. Her every action make me burst into laugh :_) so funny she is :) You see, she change her nick name again yesterday, and you should know, these are only her "feeling" :) Oh, i have already sensed this ago(in a love letter), but not until now i confirmed it and really understand it :) Most other boys must didn't understand this :) And, in the other side, i can understand myself more now, most other people won't understand this too :) We are born a pair :) So good, after understand these things :) When a boy understand he is a little boy, is he still a little boy? Being a child is very good, because he can study happily, yes, i can study Linux, study German happily, this is why i can study very good too. Keep being a child, this is my secret. ======== Nick name changing: icelotus (清水芙蓉) 2003年03月11日 icelotus (清水芙蓉·宁馨儿) 2003年04月08日 icelotus (冬天来了，心已冷了，爱情死了) Oct 28 2003 icelotus (清水芙蓉·心如止水) Nov  3 2003 kawai (骄傲的樱桃) 2003年05月27日 kawai (骄傲的樱桃@@灰姑娘) Oct 15 2003 ======== 2003.11.05 There is always a amazing result after the philosophers' thinking, Schopenhauer tell us we should make ourself starve to death, and Weininger tell us man should separate from woman, then human can't reproduce and become extinct. No one will follow their suggestion(or only a little), so philosophers' result always seems to be no use, but their process can generate many useful things. This is a little alike Chinese taoist who want to make never-die drug, but invent gun-power at the process. Now human don't try to make never-die drug, but focus on make our life-span longer, so, as philosophy focus on find utmost truth, will the science which focus on find step truth replace philosophy? Then philosophy terminates? This is still possible. Anyway, i will still focus on philosophy, the greatest philosopher may be the man who terminate philosophy :_) There is a little danger on me, that is, when a boy get his girl, he will become content with the present life, then become vulgar, there is a example in my bedchamber, ho, as i can aware this danger, i should can get rid this danger, that is, get my girl, content with this part of life, but don't become vulgar :) So, i hope i can bring icelotus to German with me two years later, i must go to German, or i will become vulgar in this bad environment, i must bring icelotus with me, as she is very important to me, yes, i want to get both, and i think i can. I find, everything i do after acquainted icelotus, has the deepest relation to icelotus, i am doing everything for her, to make her love me. Yes, it is really this. Then, as i said ago, woman have no interesting in literature, art, science, philosophy in fact, then, man study literature, art, science, philosophy for woman? If there is no woman, man can't alive(So one think they can, but they need woman in spirit at least), if there is no woman, will there have literature, art, science, philosophy? Plato said human should be androgynous :) If it is true, i needn't court icelotus, we are born together, everything will be so happy, but, then, will there be literature, art, science, philosophy? ho, it can be stop now :) "Venom Crystals" reads over, start reading "Evil Wisdom". icelotus write a article today, which start to show her corruption, i am worrying about her now, i will write a mail to her tomorrow, if i write tonight, it may hurt her too intense, this is always a trouble, but i must help her, i know, only i love her. Too much a trouble, can i help her? But i must try and do my best. A computer company boss telephone to me this night, i know i am different from them, my life road is different. And, after Linuxer devoted their effort for years and create a beautiful world, many boss come and use Linux to earn money, this is inevitable, but, we must keep open source. 2003.11.06 I wrote a long mail to icelotus this morning. I go skating this afternoon, my skating skill is proficient now :) Happy studying German, it is easy, it is interesting :) quasipseudo post a article in genius forum to praise my ideology:"Look at me now!! I am progressively falling into the grips of these superficial interactions. Indeed. Appreciate the fact that social exchanges may assist progression of wisdom, but understand most conversation is redundant and superficial. Save me Huhzheng!!" :) I will go on. 2003.11.07 Start reading "Brave new world". icelotus know these things by herself, it needn't i tell her :) I won't touch her for a long time, this is good for her and me. suicidal mania? :) i like this :) It is easy for me to alive abroad in fact, because i am a Linux hacker :) So i can find a job in a Linux company easily, every country has Linux companies, and i can find friends instantly, Linuxer is everywhere :) 2003.11.08 confront the truth I think about my love to icelotus, i find, even i really loved her deeply, this love is not real love still, i means that the love without selfish, my love have some purpose to satisfy myself too. And i think about Linux, the devotion your code to open source community, i find this devotion is still selfish in fact, although it is hide deeply. Yes, i am selfish, and, i am sure most other people are more selfish than me, i have tried to be non-selfish, but after a period of devotion, i find i was always selfish in fact, yes, human is selfish. Is this a pity? Is this bad? It seems be a pity, be bad, but after thought deeply, this is truth, this is good, yes, selfish is not a bad things, recognize your selfish is a good thing, many people is selfish, but they didn't realized this, they think someone may not be selfish as them, and some people pursue non-selfish, do it on himself, but he didn't recognize he is selfish. Confront the truth, confront the reality, truth is the best, although it seems to be bad at first. I am selfish, i said this proudly. Girl's state is almost depend on boy, if many boy court her, her will become beautiful and happy, and show her good temperament etc. But most girl's temperament is depend on her outward appearance, clothes, toilette etc, so, you will seem a girl turned from good temperament to normal even vulgar quickly, especially with a different boy stand with her. Really good temperament must come from heart, this need long times' reading literature books etc, but most girl lack this, they spend their time on entangling with those many boys. My thinking come near nihilism now, just like this:"There is no Truth, all is acceptable, all are aspects, all is truth." This is a trouble to me. And, i find surmount Nietzsche is really hard, i can't seem any way to surmount it, but i will go and try in the next ten years. I have a friend, we are classmate when are in the primary school, so we have been friends for about 14 years, in fact, i don't think my friendship to him is very good, it is always he contact to me these years, i think we are going the different road so i don't think we have much things to communicate, but now i cherish this friendship in my heart now, it is most likely we will be friends even we are very old. Yes, time can value the friendship, this is the best prove for friendship. Likewise, history can prove a country. And, love can be proved by time too. I will use time to prove my emotion. And, i find, when think about Fang Pei, the things happened between us are almost forgot, i can only remember the presents him give to me at my birthday, those present haven't much use, but it is leave in the memory, yes, i understand why girl will remember the flowers who gave her. Things will be forgot, because we are changed, presents is not there and almost no use, but we can remember it. I think emotion is the expression of weak, just as the precious sentence. I can prove it by my experience in these years. No compassion. Life is short, come and leave, years past quickly, you can't do much things, you can only do one thing at most, but most people have done nothing, which thing should i do in my life? It is hard to know, but i know i can't waste any time, or this thing will fail, keep running, keep thinking. If i am not so wise, i won't go to the way of becoming philosopher :_) I am not dazzling my wise here, you know, being a philosopher is not so wonderful, but it is inevitable to me now, once start your thinking, you can never stop it, hoho. Truth, is not so good too, :) inevitable. Anyway, being a philosopher to me is not so bad presently, i am much happier than ago, although the happy is different from the happy ago, i can always burst into laugh when reading some philosophy books, :) the  bad thing will come some years later, that is, become a sage :) look at those sages, so dreadful life they are leading, :_), inevitable. Find a good book:"The Limits of Mathematics" by G J Chaitin, http://www.cs.auckland.ac.nz/CDMTCS/chaitin/lm.html, his website is great and he is very cool. I will surely dive into his website some day. here are some interesting paragraphs that i found: ========= ``He thought he had THE TRUTH!'' --- Gwen, the literary agent in Norman Chaitin's play Off Broadway If a catastrophe were to suddenly threaten to destroy everything that I've ever written, this book is what I would try to preserve! What's here is basic, everything else is technical details. "Without mathematics, one cannot fathom philosophy. Without philosophy, one cannot fathom mathematics. Without the two, one cannot fully fathom a thing." ========= It seems philosophy may make me pick up my interest on mathematics one day :) maybe some years later :_) "Life and Death Magazine for the Elimination of Truth" which you can find in "The Thinking Man's Minefield" is very great!!! Too great!!! I can't hold to burst into laugh while reading it, too much wisdom. So humorous, yes, the humor of wisdom is so humorous :-D irony, satire, play with fool :) Never surrender to love :_) I browse the first website which Tang Hao and me build three years ago, http://reciteword.cosoft.org.cn/linfans/, it is very warm to view it, that happy periods, we two boys full of passion and contact the mysterious and dreamlike Internet for the first time, just by three years, we get so much progress! Yes, passion is the most important thing which helped us, haha, keep our passion, three years later we will be extraordinarily cool! I laugh a lot tonight, while reading books, reading mails that Tang Hao replied to me, when i go out, i have the impulsion to laugh loudly :) icelotus now take good good study everyday and lead her simply life now :) she change her name to the old after i pointed her precious interesting name changing :_) 2003.11.09 It is interesting when children studying skating, when he/she is about to stumble, the coacher give he/she a hold quickly :) And, i find when the little girl skating skillfully, it is different from the older girl, as i describe, older girl skating in the hope of boys' eyes, but little girl skating should be fond at movement, this is the same as little boy, but this interesting will disappear when they grown up, girls tend for boys' eyes, boys for art, is it? ======== - Advice for Clever Children - Do one thing each day which you would rather not do - but feel that you ought to do. This will help your character grow, and will stand you in good stead for when you grow up and find that you have to do many things in adult life which you would prefer not to do. -- George Green, Businessman and Father of three. ======== Haha, this is just what i am doing everyday!!! Remember this in your heart, it will help you very much! "Life and Death Magazine" is too good, you must read it! I just finished it. :) icelotus's innocent is truly, not the pretense, i can make sure of this. 2003.11.10 I telephone to professor Gao Xiaoqiang this noon, he is a philosophy teacher in SiChuan university, i talked with him about my plan of change to philosophy faculty. After known my situation, he think it is suit for me to do it :) Oh, it is impossible for a grade 3 student to change the faculty, after i ask some teacher of relative department. :) I know this, you need to change your environment by yourself, nothing, i will still go in my road. 2003.11.11 It will be a big problem of human, when science make us can lead a comfortable life without much effort, what will we do then? Most people will just dive into this comfortable life. Science researching become boring, then most of us become artist or philosopher? This seems not good and boring too, but leading a comfortable life without thinking is the worst. Oh, Schopenhauer said we are moving between satisfaction and boring, this is right. Haha, Nietzsche have already past this view of Schopenhauer, i should learn more deep of Nietzsche's books, then i can escape from my current boring state(my current life is too satisfied on every aspect, you see, i don't worry about money, have strong body, good at computer, literature and etc. and have so perfect a girl to chat with, so make me become very boring), OK, study German hard first. Let me describe my relation with icelotus here, i think she is already my girl, i know, most of you agree that a boy and girl hug together and kissing are lovers, but you see, dreaming of the day that hug and kiss is very fun, but hug and kissing everyday is very boring in fact, both icelotus and i know it in our subconscious, so i write long love letter to her, even publish them on the bbs, this make she feel happy and interesting, and she show refusing to me by silence etc. but this won't stop me to court her again and again, but just make our love story more splendid, when dancing, i get around with her and she escape from me, then i come near her again, these affair is very interesting in fact :) both of us is fond at these affairs :) Both of us know we will be together at last, i know i won't change to another girl, she know this too, it just like traveling, the process is much important than the destination. Hoho, but after i know i can surely get her as my girl at last, this makes me become boring :( , :_) Anyway, i love icelotus, it is very lucky that i acquainted her, or i must lead a miserable life :) It seems i am the superman which described by Nietzsche, so his books are just tell me what to do :) Dive into the matrix is so attractive, even i can aware of this, i can't make sure i can escape it, it just like fight with your desire, hoho, we are not ascetic, Nietzsche tell us desire and selfish should give high praise, yes, if i have no desire, how can i alive :) I start develop StarDict-2.4.2 today, the main change is the dictionary .idx file have separate to .ifo and .idx file, it is only a little design change, but the correspond code become much simpler, yes, design is much important than coding, a software with too much technique means a bad design. German is so good a language, i like it very much, especially its grammar. 2003.11.12 They need imbecile happiness. They need garbage to kill their time. It is a problem that how to teat the numerous fool, for the sake of stability, they have to trained to become Epsilon etc. My classmates, they become Epsilon just by two years' training: If you don't go to the classroom, your name may be recorded when take a roll call, they assist this at first, then, two years later, as now, if the teacher don't take a roll call, they feel very a pity, they need roll call now. One school timetable and a diploma are enough to make them to become Epilon, to treat the fool is so easy, it is a pity to me. Fool, too stupid, yes, they are becoming more and more stupid, we were almost the same two years ago...It is better a world full of fool than full of sages? :( They need happiness, not Truth. "Brave New World" reads over. "Just under the crown of the arch dangled a pair of feet." Fool, you these numerous fool. We never call a infant as a fool, but if you gown up to be a adult and don't study anything now, i call your fool, where is your desire for truth? fool. Give you the hay, pigs, then you are happy enough, you are satisfied enough. 2003.11.14 Ordinary life, the non-sense life. 2003.11.15 StarDict-2.4.2(classical) released today. It appears in freshmeat.net as a news :) What will i do in my whole life? I don't know it yet, but i know something is more worth than other things to do, and many things that don't worth to do. 2003.11.16 Start reading "The Art of Unix Programming". ===== One of my most productive days was throwing away 1000 lines of code. -- Ken Thompson KISS principle:"Keep It Simple, Stupid!" ==== 2003.11.17 Reading, listening to the music, it is a peaceful day. I don't listen to music often now, as it is likely stop your thinking. I dislike writing for some purpose. How to conquer nihility? These is some limit on my thinking, i want to surmount it... The philosopher know the answer when he pass you, but he will keep silence and go, as the answer is simple, and you don't want the answer in fact. No one can tell you the truth, you can only get it by thinking. You can get the truth by thinking! yes, you can! 2003.11.18 What to do in my whole life? philosopher? It is mostly like this, i can't dive into anything else now. But, too much things must drop. Somethings i don't want to drop, like love, but it seems inevitable, it is not because me, but she, and, truth will break love. Reading Nietsche's life story, as his solitary, i get laugh, i already become solitary, completely. Nietzsche's solitary seems be miserable, but mine is happy, as i can read Nietzsche's book at least :) I watched "Matrix3" this morning, truth, love, freedom, peace, these good things... What is utimate reality? Is ordinary life reality? or? I feel i fell in a swamp, i want to escape from ordinary life, but ordinary is just the reality? then i should dive into it? There is truth, find it; There is no love, create it. This is what i will do. I can do everything peacefully now :) Happy smiling, like flying, the last month was a very wonderful month. Oh, it is over now, i escaped from icelotus now, i have just forefeel this in the morning, now a mail confirmed me, as i understand her now. Go running, yeah! Everything is fine on me presently, it is lucky i touched philosophy and escaped from these affairs.